Thursday, October 22, 2009

Question 107

Question: Can you make up an original american gladiator name for me for halloween? The gayer the better.
Troy F. (via email)

Answer: I'm a bit offended Troy. Looking for gay gladiator names and this is the place you come? Is there some undertone my reader's get that I am unaware of? Should I clear out my mailbox for inquiries on go-go dancing and enemas? I will answer your question Troy, but just because I admire your bravery for being willing to rock the red, white, and blue spandex. Here are my ideas:
Charlie Horse- every time you go to do battle, you cramp up.
Cleveland Steamer- leave your mark on your opponents, and her chest.
Crotcho Libre- Mask your face, but not your crotch
Abraham Drinkin'- Just put on a beard and an uncle sam suit and shout obscenities at children
Foolsgold- look like a beast, compete like Urkel
El Nino- Beat the shit out of everyone for one season, and don't return for the next four.
and my personal favorite:
Papercut- may look small and harmless but everyone knows that you don't fuck around.


  1. haha Abraham Drinkin', awesome.

  2. I LOVE shouting obscenities at children! When you're casting, put me on the short list!

  3. I was going to say: Pink Assassin, The Pool Boy, or Gorgeous George...but those are already taken.