Friday, October 16, 2009

Question 104

Question: What should I be for Halloween? (I don't want to be something slutty)
 Elizabeth J. (via Twitter) 

Answered: Don't want it to be slutty? Jesus, that's like saying, "I want to make a rap song, but I don't want it to suck." Slutty costumes are to Halloween what Mexicans are to orange groves. Without them, what is the fucking point? Slutty costumes are amazing. I usually get so turned on by them that I buy a pumpkin, warm it in the oven, and pretend the seeds are just tiny fetuses when I have sex with it. 


If you are not willing to contribute to my desire for pumpkin sex, then I can only suggest a few costumes that may satisfy your need to be as least slutty as possible:
1. Anything that is not my ex girlfriends. Whores.
2. Janet Reno
3. African Fur Trader

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