Question: What really happened to one-eyed willy in the goonies?!?
Angie H. (via Twiter)
Answer: It was insane! The Asian kid's Pinchers of Power ripped his balls off, then Chunk came down on a rope and pulled out his heart and ate it, then the Fratellis took turns raping him up the ass, followed by a giant squid grabbing him and mutilating his body against sharp coral until sharks came and ate his remains.
Just kidding, he got AIDS. Dirty pirates.