Thursday, September 10, 2009

Question 45

Question: Hi, I am 57, not the greatest health. I need to make money. My husband had a heart attack. My friends say I have my looks and my brains. Just what does a 57 year old do with looks and brains?

Answer: First off you stop by telling strangers your husband had a heart attack. Why? If no one knows about the health issues it makes it easier to lie on the million dollar life insurance policy you are going to take out on him tomorrow. 
Let at least a year pass without having sex with him to reduce suspicion, and then one night give him the best sex of his life. I'm talking blow jobs, rim jobs, fist jobs. Fuck it, call Mike Rowe and have him go Dirty Jobs on his ass. If he doesn't have a heart attack from that shit you got two choices, call out a hit or hire Michael Jackson's doctor. Either way, the deed will be done and you will be rich. 
How does this involve your looks? Mam, I am no idiot. Sierra is Spanish for "mountain range" so I can only assume you have titties the size of Chernobyl tumors. If the cops start to question you, give them the "guided tour" up your south side. I smell acquittal!

P.S. If you health gets any worse, just remember... you can't take all that money with you and your kids secretly told me they wish they were adopted.         
But I care.

1 comment:

  1. I'm on my third husband now, richer than stink, and I highly recommend this method.

    Personally, I also like to add a hooker and bag of coke to the mix, just to make sure.