Thursday, September 10, 2009

Question 44

Question: How big is my penis?
Brett A.

Answer: Since I do not know you well enough to play Mario and Luigi with our salami, I will have to rely on my Dick Tracy-like sleuth skills and simple math to answer this one.

  • Start: Average man (6 inches)
  • Your name is Brett, and the only famous Brett is Farve. He must have a big dick for wanting to keep coming back to the NFL after bullshitting us with retirement year after year.  (+ 2 inches) 
  •  You are not black or married to Pam Anderson (-1 inch)
  •  You submitted this link via's facebook and immediately had guy friends commenting on your sexuality (-1 inch)
  •  Upon further review of your Facebook, I noticed you have 343 friends (+2 inches)
  •  Upon even further review I noticed that two of those, only Danielle B and Krysta M, were hot chicks, leaving you with a .58% hot friend percentage (-1 inch)
  • Upon yet even further review, even most of the ugly chicks had boyfriends that were not you, and you have 8 friends with the name Dave or David, that's just fucking weird (-1 inch)

That being said, they might be considering you for a stunt dick job when Gary Coleman takes up porn. But wait!!! There is hope. We didn't factor in what mathematicians call the "conceited webmaster variable"which states that:
visiting my website (x) + Asking a question (y)= hung like Shaq (z)

So next time you use a public restroom, take a post right in front of the kiddie stall, just to avoid your dick rubbing against the urinal cake, and remember... I made you!

1 comment:

  1. Hold on... HOLD on! Are you trying to tell me that all those rumors about Gary Coleman being hung like a moose are in fact...FALSE? *shock!!!1