Saturday, September 5, 2009

Question 34

Question: I just woke up surrounded by a bunch of dead dudes and blood everywhere. Im holding a half-finished bottle of Vodka and a large knife. Im not in my own house, I have no clue where I am....

What should I do?
James T.

Answer: Well Mr. Kirk, this one is easy. You get in the car and drive to New Orleans. There you will take three shrunken skulls, a dead African Rhino Toad, and some white pepper to a woman on 3rd street named Simona. Ask her to come with you nicely. She will refuse. You place a black bag over her head and hit her in their temple with a bag of quarters. Throw her in your trunk and drive to Fairview Cemetery in Greensburg, Kansas. Pull her out of the trunk and drag her to the grave of a Mr. Johnny Cochran. When she comes to, proceed to skull fuck her face until she brings that bastard back to life. Once she works her little gumbo jumbo magic, kill her too. Turn yourself in, let Johnny work his magic, and before you know it you will be golfing with Charles Barkley on the back nine at Sawgrass. Good luck. We never spoke.

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